flowing or floating? 心流抑或沉浮?

a reflection on running a physically intensive pop-up tea shop

Since running a tea shop this has been the biggest question in my head when I think about my days: am I in a flow state or am I underutilising my brain? Every day like clockwork I go to my tea shop at around 3 and stay till 8 if I can, and 6 if I have to attend Chinese medicine class in the evening. I set up shop, put out some canned drinks, display the menu, collect some filtered water, boil it and brew tea for myself, setup the sound system, play different artists’ songs based on my mood — rotating between Teresa Teng, ODESZA + friends, Tame Impala, and Daft Punk. And I watch the view. Sometimes I read my book. I smile and wave at every passerby, sometimes they come over for tea or a drink, and sometimes they just smile and walk past. And a day goes by, and I go home.

Tea shop vibes!

I am unable to comprehend if I am in a flow state while doing this or not. Rather than a directional flow, I feel more in a floating motion like bobbing up and down. I am not exactly in the challenge vs. skills zone of a “flow state”. While I am working at the tea shop, I still feel the texture of the moment. It requires me to focus a lot of attention on my surroundings. However, it doesn’t seem to require the typical skill I label skills to be. It’s not solving a mathematical or coding problem. It’s more on observing and guessing if the next passerby would be a customer and trying to find ways to optimize the shop in the little moments I have in between.

If like what Chinese philosophy says that everything is ying & yang, feminine & masculine. Flow to me is a more masculine energy. It is more directed with more tangible challenges that utilize tangible skills. Floating on the other hand is the same thing but more feminine. A less obvious challenge with intangible skills required. Yet it is a challenge nonetheless.

Or perhaps I am not actually being challenged on a day-to-day, but is that truly required to live a fulfilling life? There are no right or wrong answers to “how you live your day”. But if you have full control over it, try to make it align with your soul. Any attempts to explain it, or justify it, are answers to others. You only need to answer yourself, Tania.

自從開始打理茶舖後，我不禁自問：我究竟是得心應手的在心流中管理茶舖呢？還是在毫不動腦的情況下頹廢度日呢？每天很準時的在三點前我抵達茶舖，偶爾因傍晚要上課提早走，不然都待到八點左右，開舖大概花十五分鐘，將佈置物放好，茶具擺出來，煮水、泡茶，隨心情放音樂⋯⋯然後就開始看外面的風景、偶爾看看書，不時的向經過的路人打招呼，有時會過來喝杯茶、有時打個招呼就走了。就這樣子，一天過去，然後我就收拾東西回家了。

茶室的剪影

雖然才開始打理茶舖一個多禮拜，但也想知道我有沒有好好利用時間做自己喜歡做的事情，有沒有盡量處於一個完全沉浸與完全投入的心流狀態裡，但與其說沉浸，有時還覺得不如形容自己在沉浮當中，打裡茶店雖耗體力，卻彷彿在無重力的水上輕鬆的浮著般。與心流理論中提到的，在符合挑戰性的以及符合自己行事能力的情況下所遇到的心流狀態好像不太相近，雖然顧店不是一件輕鬆的事情，卻和一般習慣的具有挑戰性的事情略有不同。現在不用解數學題，不用透過寫程式代碼，卻要隨時去注意人流、有沒有人想喝茶，若點茶的話，該給他們什麼茶，以及在忙於觀察人的同時也要去想如何將店鋪管理得更好。

若將陰陽理論套用在心流理論或是我發想的沉浮理論，我覺得心流理論是比較陽剛的，心流的流動是有方向性的，是利用明確的行事能力去完成有形的挑戰時的感覺。相較之下沉浮理論是較陰柔性的，是利用不明確的能力去完成無形的挑戰中的從容感。但不能因為感到從容而不將他視為一個具挑戰性的事情吧！

或許我也不是在什麼沉浮感中啦，也不是在什麼心流中，但一定要總是受挑戰才算是活得有意義嗎？決定如何過每一天沒有一個正確答案，但你有全權決定如何過每一天。只要捫心自問，對自己有交代就好了，任何用語言去解釋自己的所作所為都是多餘的，因為語言是與他人溝通的工具，對自己負責任不需要用語言。

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