#16 Back after feeling stuck & overwhelmed 我回來了

15 articles later, I felt stuck. 寫了十五篇文章之後，我頓時不知該怎麼繼續寫下去。

When I started the newsletter, I embarked on my 6-months sabbatical. More than 6 months have passed, and I have decided to extend my sabbatical for another 6 months for me to figure out what I want to do which can also potentially sustain myself without getting into employment again. The purpose of the newsletter at the time was for me to live slower and to reflect and share my life observations.

這份電子報的開始，也是我為期六個月的留職停薪生活的開始。六個月後，我決定要再讓自己嘗試六個月，看看是否能創造點什麼持續我的新型生活模式。電子報的主旨在於幫助我慢活以及定期反思，並分享我所觀察到的事物。

I used to publish once a week, and the moment I slipped two months ago, the routine became extremely hard to enforce again. Especially with traveling and other life priorities coming in the way, I allowed more questions and doubts to come in and prevented me from writing publicly again:

我一開始每個禮拜會完成一篇文章，但兩個多月前在一陣忙碌之中，我錯過了我自己訂的時間表，一拖再拖，才發現好難再進入每週一篇的狀態——我不是出去旅遊、就是在忙著其他事情，同時腦袋裡責怪的聲音一再出現：

What is my voice? How do I narrate my experience? How is anything I write interesting? What am I writing about? Who am I writing for? Why do I write?… the questions and doubts go on and on.
我到底在寫什麼？我有什麼獨特的看法？我書寫有什麼特色？我是為誰而寫的呢？為什麼我要書寫呢？——對自己的懷疑接踵而來，只讓重新寫作難上加難。

Since last I wrote, I dealt with a two-week heart palpitation, thought deeply and decided to extend my 6-months sabbatical further, traveled to India for an Indian wedding, visited Taiwan three times for family members’ birthdays, managed a music & tea shop, ran two parties every single week, decided to wind down daily operations of said shop, got sick twice (COVID + flu?!), and moved apartments in Hong Kong……. frankly, it was a lot.

自從上一篇文章出土，我經歷了兩週的心悸、苦思是否要延長留職停薪的日子、去了印度參加印度婚禮、也回台灣三次幫家人慶生，而我也經營茶店、每週舉辦兩次的派對、也沈痛的決定我暫時不要再打理茶店了。甚至還生病兩次（一次新冠、一次流感），並搬家一次。

Needless to say I was overwhelmed. It’s a classic situation where it’d probably be fine if things happened sequentially, but like an unexpected wave, it hit quietly and suddenly, all at once. Without knowing — I was gasping for air (and this newsletter was forgotten).

無預警之下，我像被隱藏版的大浪淹沒了一般，只能拚命的繼續划水，重見陽光。這種無力感來自於事情們近乎同時進行、不得片刻喘息。倘若一件一件來，總能一件一件解決的。

Grateful for pretty colours from Indian weddings & mosaic art in the metro, to sunsets, friends, tea, and painting.

Luckily I’ve felt overwhelmed before. The easiest way is to do a hard pause on everything and take a day off from technology and people to simply be with your thoughts and journal. The purpose is to figure out all the loose ends that seem to have a dependency upon each other, and aim to have a resolution to all of them by the end of the day.

幸虧我也不是沒有經歷過這種無力感的，所以也知道這時候該怎麼辦。最簡單的方法是要立馬停止手邊所有事情，離開科技與人群一天，重新整理思緒，把所有心頭上所有糾纏不清的事情寫下來，並想辦法畫出事件之間是否有互相依賴的關係，並在一天結束時解開這個大結。心不亂了，也就不會那麼無力了。

However, it’s not all that easy to do a hard pause with life & responsibilities, but the thing that needs to be done is the same! Untangle, untangle, untangle! Remove as many dependencies as possible! Make quick and thoughtful decisions! Prioritise, prioritise, prioritise!

但是人生也不是這麼容易可以直接抽離的，但該做的事情是相同的。就像家裡很亂不知道該如何整理一樣，就從一個地方開始，一步一步來。心中有什麼結，就努力的解開。有時候一堆事情們在一起看似複雜，但其實只要發現並沒有互相依賴時，再難也可以迎刃而解的。把最重要、緊急的事情解決了，再處理下一個。能在短時間內做出精確的決定，並好好的編排什麼是重要、緊急的，便是最大的考驗。

A reminder to self: you don’t need to have everything figured out, you just need to remove dependencies, make quick decisions, and keep the wheel moving. And prioritize rest whenever you can.

我也在此順便提醒自己：你不需要一下子解決所有事情，只要能把事情順著重要、緊急的特性，不畏懼做決定，一個一個這樣處理下去，不要停，就好了。而且也要記得適度休息。

I’m so glad that I am finally able to oil up the wheel of “City Girl Slow Life” again. I want to continue writing. I want to craft my thoughts and echo it on the internet, in hope to find someone who relates on my journey. I want to remind myself to live slower and to step back and introspect regularly. I aim to continue to share my life observations, which I hope can resonate with you in any way possible. Thanks for staying here!

在停更了兩個多月後，我很開心我終於能繼續「城市女孩慢生活」這份電子報。我想要不斷地寫下去，透過琢磨字句之間在網路上和其他志同道合的朋友們切磋。同時，我也要提醒自己真的要努力一點慢生活，定期反思——並繼續分享下去！謝謝！共勉之。

See you next week,
Tania