On a sabbatical 留職停薪的開始

I feel so lost and so fulfilled at the same time 又迷茫又充實的五週

Hi I’m Tania! The other day I went to a tea shop to buy some tea which I am a regular at, at a prime Wednesday 3pm, to which I was greeted with: “How do you have time to come by today, don’t you have to work?” That made me realize: oh indeed, I don’t! I am currently on week 5 of my 6-month sabbatical.

A lovely Wednesday afternoon stroll by the water and at my favorite tea shop (2023.08.02)

Looking back at my last 5 weeks, I’ve:

• Moved to a new apartment in Hong Kong

• Joined a yoga studio, and started doing yoga daily

• Built a meditation website I’ve always wanted to build

• Wrote 5 entries for this newsletter publication 😄

• Continued to “figure out my life / think about what I should work on next” via catching up with friends, having dimsum lunches with my grandma, researching online and journaling while sipping on tea every morning.

In terms of my energy levels, it looks something like this…

Navigating the unknown is the most difficult part of the last few weeks (duh!), which only really kicked in by week 4 as I was busy with moving into a new apartment and building a website that I already wanted to do prior to taking time off from work. Now that both are done, the real deal kicked in: what should I really do in the next couple of months? There are so many ideas, but so much difficulty in focusing on one…… albeit stressful, writing this newsletter reminds me to live a slower and more intentional life. Doing yoga and drinking tea daily keeps me grounded, for the most part.

But wait, why am I taking a sabbatical?

A little background about myself: I’m a senior software engineer who most recently worked at an early-stage startup for the past three years. Prior to writing code, I’ve done many different projects like organizing 500-person beach raves and building a digital watch for you to track your menstrual cycle.

Work had been rewarding to say the least: starting from having a lot of ownership and agency when there were only 5 people in the company three years ago — to every day being very exciting and exhilarating while we raised money and hired from all over the world. Instead of being terribly burnt out from work, and desperately needing breathing room, I was actually having a lot of fun, but perhaps too much fun to think about other passions and interests that I have. I stumbled upon the accidental digital nomad life (which I will write about in another article), and work became almost on autopilot.

I didn’t love the fact that the day-to-day work felt like being on autopilot. I longed to build something on my own again, from ideating to execution. While having a fun full-time job, it was too easy to give myself excuses to not work on things I’m actually passionate about. For example, I’ve thought about writing this newsletter for months before actually sending the first article 5 weeks ago, only after I’ve taken time off from work. With a growing number of side projects looming in my head, and loads of excuses to delay them, I finally got tired of giving myself more excuses: I decided to take time off.

How did I actually take time off?

First off I have a very supportive team at my company, and I am very grateful for that. As for the decision-making, I would say it was part impulsive, part responsible. I checked my savings and I confirmed I can last more than 6 months without a job. Then I was invited to imagine the worst-case scenario by my mentor and consider if I would be okay with it. The following scenarios popped into my head:

• Maybe I spend more money than expected and ended up with much less $ in savings than expected by the end of 6 months — what is the lowest number I will be comfortable with?

• Perhaps my time off from work is extended unexpectedly. Maybe the startup that I work at before no longer needs me back. This one is especially tough because I don’t want to find a new job towards the end of the 6 months. However, worst-case scenario, I guess I’ll be okay with it.

• Maybe none of the projects I set out to do become successful. I am okay with it too. I will give all my projects my all, and success or not is just “nice to have”.

• Perhaps I’ll have a major conflict with my family as they are traditional and may not be supportive of my endeavors. This is one of the toughest personally, but I will be okay with it. I’ll work it out if it happens.

After deep consideration, I initiated the conversation to pause work with my manager, and fast forward a few weeks: my sabbatical has begun.

As a reminder to myself, this time off from work is for me to discover what my flow state and my life’s purpose look like. It’s for me to try out different projects and build up different hobbies. Then I’ll design my life around it. There’s no rush for anything, so it’s okay to not know what is the next project I should work on! Let’s take things one step at a time.

嗨 我是 Tania，前幾天我光顧了我在香港常去的茶舖，被熟悉的店員問：「妳不用上班嗎？今天怎麼有空來？」我愣了一下才發現：原來今天是禮拜三，現在下午三點，我不用上班耶！我已經留職停薪了五個禮拜了，而我打算半年內不會回公司工作。

天天泡泡茶、散散步

回顧一下這五個禮拜，我：

• 搬到一個新的租屋處

• 加入了一個瑜伽教室，開始天天學習瑜伽

• 做完了一個幫助你冥想的網站

• 寫了五份電子報文章～

• 天天在「探索人生（研究我的下一步要做什麼）」——但實際上就是和朋友吃吃飯，和奶奶去茶樓飲茶，上網查資料學習，並每天寫日記個喝茶

我能量的浮動大概長這個樣子⋯⋯

想當然爾，這幾個禮拜最困難的是：在充滿未知數的每個當下決定要做什麼。其實我也蠻多想法可以去實現，但總是在選擇之中有很大的障礙，覺得好難、壓力山大。不過每當要寫這份電子報的時候，又提醒自己，把日子過得慢一點不但沒關係，反而是我理想生活的樣貌啊！每天就做做瑜伽、喝喝茶吧。

等等，我好像還沒說過我為什麼考慮留職停薪

前情提要：我是一個在一個美國Y Combinator的新創工作的資深工程師。在全職寫程式以前，我常常做不同的計劃，例如舉辦五百人參加的海灘派對，以及製作一隻紀錄女生生理週期的手錶。

在新創工作的三年以來是很有成就感的，從一開始五個人的團隊，什麼事情都要做，到募資之後不斷的精進我們的產品以及擴展我們的團隊，沒有一分一秒是無聊的。決定要留職停薪並不是說「我實在做不下去了，需要喘息的空間」，反而我過得滿開心的，隨時和團隊在世界各地過著數位遊牧的日子。但可能是旅遊方面過得太開心了（改天再來寫數位遊牧的心路歷程），工作的內容反變成配角般。

我不太喜歡工作是配角的感覺，我也蠻懷念做自己的計劃，那從零到有、一手包辦的感覺，但有全職工作的時候不去做自己的計劃的理由實在太多。譬如這份電子報是我幾個月前就想要做了，但到是五週前，剛開始留職停薪後才寄出第一份。我發現我想做的事越多，利用藉口不去做的事也越多，有時後就覺得自己好像很不像自己，怎麼藉口這麼多。當我實在是受夠了自己的藉口的時候，我就決定那暫時不要工作了。

那我到底怎麼辦到留職停薪半年的呢？

首先，我很感謝我的同事與主管們很體諒我暫時不想工作的心情。在和主管討論留職停薪之前，我半理性半衝動的決定是這麼做的：前提是先確定我有足夠的錢可以讓我可以六個月不工作，下個考慮的點是在諮詢我的益友後，他建議我去思考：「Tania 請妳去想像在留職停薪後，最糟的情況會是什麼樣子，如果妳可以接受的話，就去跟公司申請吧。」以下是我想像的情景：

• 也許我花的錢比想像中的多，那我最多可接受我花多少錢來探索生活？

• 或許我被迫有更長的時間不工作，例如原本的公司不需要我了——這蠻難的，畢竟我很熱愛我的公司，但倘若真的發生了，我也期許自己能再想辦法的。

• 或是我在花時間做我想做的計劃後，沒有一個計劃是成功的。這我也覺得沒關係，反正我只要盡力而為就好了，成功與否是次要的。

• 又或許我因為留職停薪一事和家人大吵架——這是我個人認為最難的一件事情，哎，家家有本難念的經，但我不希望這阻止我去嘗試我想做的事情。

在總和上述的要點後，我就和公司提出申請了。很幸運的是，程序上一切都很順利，我也很快就展開我的心得「留職停薪人生」了。

最後再提醒自己，暫時不工作的目的是要找尋我在心流狀態的樣貌如何，以及我人生的目標是什麼。我要利用這時間嘗試不同的計劃、建立不同的喜好，並設計自己想過的日子的型態。凡事不要急，即便對於下一件要做的事感到迷茫也沒關係。