Dining with Grandma’s friends 和外婆的朋友們去喝港式飲茶

observations and learnings from the past twenty years

Growing up I frequently go out for dim sum lunches with my grandma. My earliest memory goes back to when I was 7 years old, I was offered shoumei (white peony tea) and I insisted on chrysanthemum. I would eat chicken feet rice and charsiu buns. I would watch my grandma’s friends eat, and observe their preferences in food; I would listen to their conversations that frequent around the stock market, their kids, someone else’s kids, and the prices of items at the groceries. Fast forward 20 years, I have been spending my young adulthood in Hong Kong, and I still find myself regularly joining dim sum meals with grandma and her friends more frequently than meeting my friends sometimes. And I have become the biggest tea nerd I know.

Love love love dim sum

Perhaps from hanging out with my grandma’s friends so much, I’ve developed a taste in food that happens to be relatively healthy. I would know that fish stomach is good for the skin, mung bean soup is good for cooling down in the summer, and fried taro balls are better if it is not over fried which you can tell by the color. And though this is not health-related: don’t order xiaolongbao at a Canton restaurant. You can only do that at a Shanghai restaurant. (Just because they will serve a dish doesn’t mean it’s gonna be good). Oh, and you should only order 1 fried dish max per meal, any number above that is unhealthy.

I’ve also picked up habits like frequenting the same restaurants and building relationships with the waiters. The service you receive will be better once you’re a “regular” at a restaurant, and that is more important than the novelty of experiencing a restaurant for the first time.

I’ve also been introduced to death a lot earlier I guess. Many friends of hers I’ve met had either their husbands pass away, or them passing away themselves. I learn that the ones who have a healthy lifestyle might still get cancer for some unknown reason, and the ones with unhealthy lifestyles could also live long. Most siblings or kids fight over inheritance no matter how rich or poor they are, in my opinion, this is the worst way of parting with a family member. I also know the importance of having enough money to go through age-old illnesses, some treatments are extremely costly. And I’ve also learned that every time you meet someone may very well be the last.

I’ve also been introduced to life a lot! One friend picked up yoga when she was 58 and has been practicing daily for the past 10+ years. One friend didn’t get married until she was in her 50s, she met her husband through going to painting class and I guess they were love at first sight. Some are still taking dance lessons while they’re well in their 80s. Some traveled the world in their 70s. Some married more than once. Some have a boyfriend in their 70s. Some have immigrated to Canada / USA / Singapore during the ‘97 handover period, but most of them have moved back — it’s much nicer to be near a familiar culture in a convenient city. Some volunteer regularly, some play mahjong — everyone has their jam. And my favorite one of all: they never stop dressing up. Every day is an occasion to dress nice, look pretty, and head out for dim sum.

It’s interesting how most women are married well early in their 20s, and only experience true aloneness in their 70s/ 80s after their partner passed away. Suddenly there’s free time to care for oneself. And no one to cook for, no one to look after. Freeing, but also scary.

And so here I am, a 27-year-old, who spends a lot of her time with folks in their 80s. Sometimes I wonder, what is the lesson I’m trying to learn from being around these people? I guess it’s that you can never foresee where you will be in the future, or that you’d be dining with a random 27-year-old after going through marriage, divorce, re-marriage, kids, immigration, perhaps multiple immigrations, happy days, dark days, debt, paying off of debt, kids moving away… and many more. Or that the kid who you saw growing up who is not your grandchildren will end up building a blossoming relationship with you, despite having no blood relations at all. And I guess eat healthily, and seize the day!

有記憶以來，大概從七歲時我就經常和外婆出去飲茶，起源是因為我在七歲的時候和外公外婆一起在香港住了一年多，而當時遇到 SARS 所以學校經常停課，我們便經常去飲茶。我記得我總是拒絕喝他們叫的壽眉茶，總是嚷嚷說要喝菊花茶（因為沒有咖啡因）。當時我最喜歡吃的點心好像就是鳳爪排骨飯跟叉燒包吧，而我身邊總是沒有其他小朋友，我好像是外婆朋友圈裡面年紀最大的孫字輩。從那時開始我就經常是一桌裡年紀最輕的人，當時也沒什麼話說，就只好觀察他們吃飯的習慣，以及聊天的內容。那些內容不外乎是：股市的漲跌、小孩的近況、其他朋友的小孩的近況、還有哪個菜市場的哪個東西現在有在特價，以及回味年輕的時候誰做了什麼事情、誰又和誰吵架等等。沒想到二十年後的今日，我依舊經常和外婆及她的朋友在外飲茶、吃港式點心。因為之前工作時間很彈性的因素，自己的朋友總是很難約，造就我與外婆朋友們喝茶次數可能勝於和自己朋友見面的次數。而我現在也變得非常喜歡喝壽眉茶。

港式點心是我的最愛

也許與我和外婆的朋友們經常喝茶相關，我的飲食習慣也相對健康一些。我知道吃魚肚對皮膚好，夏天喝綠豆湯可以去濕，炸芋角的好壞在於油用的好不好（炸出來太黑代表用的油不夠好）。跟健康無關的，但也很重要的是，在港式茶樓不要點小籠包，在上海館子點的才會好吃（雖然所有港式茶樓都會有小籠包）。最後，平常叫點心的時候，炸的東西最好不要超過一樣，這樣才比較健康。

我也開始習慣只去那幾間茶樓，和茶樓的服務生打好關係，當大家都認識你的時候，服務都比較好。對他們來說，到一個服務好、食物好吃的地方，比去嚐鮮還重要。

也因為常和外婆的朋友們吃飯，我也較同年齡的人更常接觸死亡，有幾位朋友不是老公過世了，就是他們自己過世了。有些身體很好的人也會得癌症，有些飲食習慣很差的人也可以很長命。而經常子女或兄弟姊妹會因為遺產問題吵架，不論剩的錢是多、是少。我也知道年紀大看病需要花很多錢，論存錢也是很重要的。我也體會到，有時見人一面，還真有可能是最後一面。

同時，我也透過她的朋友們的生活，學習到極大的生命力！有位朋友五十八歲才開始學瑜珈，並持續練習瑜伽十多年，有人一路單身到五十歲才在畫畫課中認識現在的老公，有人到八十歲還在學跳舞，有人在七十幾歲的時候還在搭渡輪環遊世界，有人結了第二、三次婚了，有人在七十幾歲的時候交男朋友：）有些人在９７年移民潮的時候去了美國、加拿大、新加坡，但很多人也都回來方便又熟悉的香港了。有些每週定時會去慈濟做義工，有些則一定要一週打三次麻將以上。我最喜歡的是，她們總是會有儀式感地、打扮漂亮地，一起去茶樓飲茶。

值得探討的是，許多人二十幾歲就結了婚，第一次長時間一個人是在她們六七八十歲，另一半過世之後才體會的，突然可以全心全意照顧自己了，不用替別人煮飯、不用照顧別人，這大概蠻無拘束的感覺，但也令人惶恐。

話題回到我身上：一個二十七歲的女孩，經常和八十幾歲的人相處，我不禁納悶：我從她們身上學習的到底是什麼？我現有的答案是：你不能預知未來會發生什麼事，更沒辦法想像在八十歲的時候，在經歷過結婚、生子、離婚、再婚、移民、再移民、欠錢、還債、孩子移民⋯⋯等種種事情之後，會經常跟一個二十幾歲的女孩吃飯閒聊吧！其餘的大概就是：健康飲食、活在當下嘍！